Too many FAQ sections useful and informational. But that's boring, wouldn't you agree? Surely you're far more interested in reading complete nonsense if you clicked onto this page. You'll find plenty of that here!
Bloon is here to inflate you
Can I legally marry a slice of pizza?
I would certainly hope so. How else are we realistically supposed to get closer to the age-old fantasy of honeymoon vore?
Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a video game character?
Yes, especially if he has two tails and a master's degree in engineering. Being a dork that's committed to that 2D someone is adorable, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!
Is it possible to be too old for video games?
Not in a million years! Video games are art. Can you outgrow books and movies? Didn't think so. Not that you can outgrow anything at all if you're a gay baby at heart, like me.
What is a Gay Baby?
It's what happens to every great furlosipher when they ascend into post-cringe and stop giving a shit. Life's short! Have fun with it. ✨
Is it considered cheating if I use cheat codes in a single-player game?
No honestly, I rub one out all the time (and my hyena does the same). Even with a vibrator I think it's fine. Just don't get stuck in the turbo tunnel in level three.
Is it okay to have a favorite stuffed animal as an adult?
There's nothing wrong with owning a Pinkfong plushie. The best of us do this. Just be sure to ignore its advances when it tells you that you've been a bad pig and that you should send it $100 online. This can very quickly bankrupt you.
Can I hire a professional cuddler to scratch me behind the ears?
You sure can! Feel free to reach out. My going rate is $100 an hour, which is pretty affordable.
How many chickens would it take to kill an elephant?
This isn't a good strategy. If furry art has taught me anything, it's that elephants can take an objectively unreasonable amount of angry cock without batting an eye.
Can I trade my soul for a lifetime supply of pizza?
I've tried, on many occasion, to find the exact rite required to become an official Pizza Puppy. As of March 2024 however I still have no luck with this. While I don't know much, I have concluded that the answer definitely doesn't involve oregano. No, I will not elaborate on this.
Can I bring my pet bird to a furry convention?
Only if it's a rooster. Then, everyone will say "Nice cock!" and you'll be the, shall we say, cock of the walk.
How do I explain to my landlord that the claw marks on the furniture are from my furry gaming marathon, not my actual pet?
You don't in my experience. Just forfeit the damage deposit and use a fake reference next time. There's a reason most landlords don't allow pets, so they really should know better if they're not prepared to replace the carpet.
What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen balloon?
About 1.069 gigayiffs, depending on the weather condition. When it doubt, you can always inflate your balloon partway and see how erect it gets.
What is the correct way to inflate a bottom?
I find that the rear works best, though if they're a bit uppity the muzzle is optimal. Remember: bottom noises are cute, bottom banter isn't.
Can I get a tax deduction for my diapers as a business expense?
Probably not, but ABDL furs tend to have an easy time getting on disability (which is even better imo). There's nothing more based than wasting the resources of an oppressive regime.
Can I join the furry community if I'm allergic to fur?
Of course you can! I don't even have a single fur on me. You could say that I'm squeaky clean. And if balloons aren't your thing, there's also scalies and avians.
How do I explain my Cute 2D Boy addiction to 𝕏?
You don't really explain anything to anyone on 𝕏. It is full of bad opinions that cannot be changed. My advice is to insult someone and then block them. Rinse and repeat until the lack of intelligence leaves your mentions.
What's the silliest thing you've ever done while indulging in ABDL play?
Probably take a shower with three diapers on at once. To say that my hips were overburdened is an understatement! And boy that garbage bag was heavy. But you know what? Life's all about being a silly little goober. Do some weird shit. It's worth it!
How do I explain to my parents that I want to become a professional gaymurr?
Wait until you start making a lot of money and then point that part out to them. Most parents are supportive, but worry about the financial aspect of being a weirdo. Settle those fears and you're golden!
If a bottom falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Probably. Especially if there's a vibrating plug involved. 😼
Is it possible to outgrow ABDL interests?
Not at all. You can only lie to yourself and pretend that you have. We both know that they look good on you. 💙
Is cereal soup?
Objectively, yes. This is a hard reality to accept, but it is the truth. Like all hard things in life, we have to bend down and take them eventually.
Is it acceptable to have a gaming-themed funeral?
Of course! And it's an absolute requirement to have a giant "F" computer key held up on an easel for everyone to press as they sit down.
What's the lifespan of a thought?
Somewhere between a fraction of a second and "way too fucking long". Inversely proportional to how useful a particular information point is.
Is it possible to tickle yourself?
It sure is, especially if you have rubber skin like me! The vibrations caused by the friction can easily stimulate nerves the wrong way. 😳
What's the best way to convince someone that the Earth is flat?
Show them this picture:
And I mean really: how could the Earth be made out of 80% carbonated water? The fish would die. It just doesn't make sense if you ask me.
How many times can you fold a piece of paper in half?
Eight times. Nine if you get a hilariously gigantic piece. Because of physics or something. Paper isn't very flexible, you see. Unlike rubber. Rubber will never let you down. 🎈
Can I get a furry-themed wedding cake?
Yes. Preferably one with a fat ass, so you can have cake that's like literally cake. 🍰
What's the best way to explain furries to my grandma?
Society is collapsing, and that's a good thing actually. She can think of it like payback for her generation making housing unaffordable. You and your kind wanted to make society unbearable for your own personal benefit? We can do that too, Beatrice! One crinkle at a time.
Is it acceptable to bark back at a dog if you're a furry?
Yep! And if you get really good at it like me, they get the most adorable look on their face. 🐶 The key to barking is that the motion is actually quite simple, and there's a bit of shouting involved to get a convincing sound.
Is a hotdog a sandwich?
Absolutely! And for the record, the correct things to put on a hot dog are mayonnaise, mustard, and liquid cheese. If you disagree with this, you are objectively wrong. 🌭
What's the best strategy for surviving a zombie apocalypse?
Always head to Canada during a zombie apocalypse. There are no zombies in Canada. 🇨🇦
How do I convince my landlord that the strange noises coming from my apartment are just me practicing my wolf howls?
Tell him that you're playing a horror game and that you're very jumpy and apologize for the noise. Shut off the lights to make this excuse more convincing.
Can I get a furry-themed tattoo without being part of the furry community?
No fam. You are already a furry. And that's a good thing! 🐾 Embrace chaos~
How many diddles does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
At least 16, in my experience. Though I like to take it slow with smaller licks, that way it lasts longer.
Can I wear diapers if I'm an adult?
This is the best time to wear them. They help out a ton with gaming and movie marathons. Plus they're incredibly based.
What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?
Sort of like a C or a J shape. I think they showed this on Futurama once. I mursonally wonder more about digigrade chairs.
Can I bring my pet snake to a furry convention?
Yes. Have him vore everyone and ascend the throne as the Vore King. Or just have everyone gently caress the derpnoodle. Supposedly they like that.
Can I still be a successful professional while enjoying ABDL activities?
Diapers make it incredibly easy to be a Twitch gaymurr because you can do your business without leaving the comfort of your chair. They're also surprisingly easy to hide under your clothes.
What's the best way to convince my partner to try ABDL play?
Be an open diaper enjoyer from the beginning and you'll attract a mate that's into that, or at least doesn't care. The most important thing about being a happy and proud weirdo is to be around those that are also happy and proud weirdos. Or at least those that enjoy them.
How do I explain my extra-murricular interests to my IRL friends?
At risk of sounding a bit racist, segregation is important. No one in real life should know your furry/bab name, and vice versa. Keep things separate.
What's the plural of moose?
Obtuse rubber goose! Squeaky truce inside a spruce. Let loose, juice a Bruce, squeak those pamps and drop a deuce!
How do I deal with judgmental family members in regards to my ABDL lifestyle?
Get down on all fours and shout "squeak squeak yiff!" until the crying stops. Make sure to respect any subsequent restraining orders.
How do I handle questions from others if they notice my diapers in public?
Just tell them that you're incontinent. They'll feel bad for you, and you can keep indulging. It's best if everyone knows that you're a dumb diaper baby anyway, because you are. And that's a good thing.
How do I break the news to my pet cat that I'm a furry?
Meow at them in your fursuit. You know you've won them over if they snuggle up to you while you're wearing it. In either case: keep it safely in a closet where they can't scratch at it. They'll wreck it either way if given the chance. Cats are just assholes like that.
Will you kiss my pet rock?
Only if its name is Steve.
How do I convince my significant other that gaming is a legitimate hobby?
Winding up with a partner that doesn't respect gaming is the biggest L that I can imagine. What are you even doing with your life? 🤣 Get you a proper gaymurr furry boyfriend!
Can I use a map to find my way out of a corn maze?
Yes. MAPs (minor attracted persons) make an excellent source of timber for burning down corn mazes, which is the easiest way to escape them (in my experience).
Is it okay to wear my fursuit to jury duty?
Yep! This is the best way to get out of it, in my experience. Something about being "unfit to serve". I mean obviously, my doctor calls me "morbidly a beast" for a reason. My based ball belly can't be tamed!
